All the Hate Mail!

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My Guide To Flu Season

Here’s some advice you should take this flu season:

Don’t get the flu.

You want to know why? It’s not because of the aches and the pains and the chills and the blinding headaches and the vomiting.

No, that’s not why. Because THAT is child’s play compared to the grueling, painful, unbearable, stupid advice that people will give you when you are sick.

Literally, when you are even mildly sick, people treat you as if you were an infant, crawling on your hands and knees, wide-eyed and unaware of the world around you.

They say things like:

"Get lots of rest"

"Drink lots of fluids"

"Have a lot of soup"

As if you have NEVER BEEN SICK BEFORE. As if you had never considered any of these COMPLETELY OBVIOUS AND WELL KNOWN remedies. AND, they actually act like they are doing you a FAVOR by giving you this advice. As if they are the ones with the secret and if you listen to them you’ll feel better and then they can feel like they helped you.

"Have some tea"

"Tea? What’s that. I’ve never heard of it. I’ve only been alive since the beginning of this conversation so thank you almighty and wise friend for bestowing upon me your wealth of knowledge."

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but seriously, if someone is sick and they haven’t DIRECTLY asked you for a cure, SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH, you’re getting germs everywhere.

The only thing YOU can do to help a person who has the flu is kill them. But if you’re not willing to do that, then you should probably just let them be.

  1. msmarveladiosa reblogged this from theyearofelan
  2. isaacmarion said: "I’ve only been alive since the beginning of this conversation" is this post’s money line. Most all of your posts have at least one.
  3. belatedpajamas said: You wise rascal, you.
  4. theyearofelan posted this