Why Dogs Can Be Dangerous
If I really wanted to take over a small country, I wouldn’t waste my time with weapons-grade uranium or a small well-trained militia.
I would spend all my time breeding the cutest dogs that anyone had ever seen. They would be perfect, with big eyes and tongues that fit in their mouths and they’d have breath that smelled of lavender and honey.
I would train them to do nothing but chase their tails and rub their butts up against you, begging for attention. They’d never bark, but instead, they would hum your favorite songs in perfect harmony. They wouldn’t just bring you the newspaper, they would read you the highlights and circle jobs in the classifieds that fit your exact desires.
These dogs will literally make you breakfast and then happily spoon an egg-white frittata into your mouth while you slowly and restfully wake up to the face the day.
They go to work for you. You stay in bed and play Words with Friends. They bring you money in sacks!!!
ARE YOU RELAXED YET?
THIS IS WHEN I POUNCE.
Me and my people. We come into your house. We take over your government.
We win. You lose.
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cmtumbler likes this
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isaacmarion said:
You can have the country as long as we get to keep the dogs.
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isaacmarion likes this
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tinsely likes this
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brendantryan reblogged this from theyearofelan
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mandyslam likes this
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jakisbrain likes this
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jessicacabot reblogged this from theyearofelan and added:
really into this Elan guy’s blog.
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jessicacabot likes this
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theyearofelan posted this
